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Tuesday, 28 July 2009

  • Gwacemom where are you??

    You are my best friend in the entire world, and I can't seem to locate you.  We talk everyday, but I haven't been able to get a hold of you in 5 now!  I am worried sick!  I haven't read any of your recent blogs on here!  Where are you dear!!!

    If anyone has heard from her or know where she is please post something.  We have talked on the phone every day for the last 6 years (except for some few occasions when I knew one of us was busy)......I haven't been able to reach her for  5 days now....I have left messages, called every number I know, left text messages, e-mailed her, NO success.  I am very worried about my best best friend!



Sunday, 22 March 2009

  • A day in "Motherhood"

    A day in "Motherhood"  (If you make it to the end of this----you get the prize for stamina!)

    Last Wednesday was crazy.  By midnight, two hours after my bedtime, I was weeping to my husband that I wanted to run away; however, I was to tired to pack, so I went to bed.

    The day began just fine.  I managed to get my 13-year old off to school without a melt-down, which is an accomplishment due to her being autistic and very rigid in her routine.  If one thing isn't perfect in the morning, our world falls apart.  However, she did great.  My 9-year-old left for the bus an hour later.  Of course, her departure took place after her little friend came to our house to meet her for the bus with her small dog who somehow got into our house and began chasing the cat!  But hey, what is a little craziness in the morning to get the blood pumping.  I preceded to take my 5-year-old to the dollar store to spend the money she got from the tooth fairy for her first tooth loss, and the trip was great.  The baby didn't even try to crawl out of the cart or make any ear piercing shrieks in the store to get my attention and ease his boredom.  We went to the grocery store without incident, came home, had lunch, and my 1-year-old amazingly went down for a nap!  If you knew him, you would be applauding, as the child has maybe slept 3 hours since birth!  I was having my lunch and thinking about how the day was a really good day.  Then the phone rang.

    The man on the other line stated he was the vice-principal of the high school and that he had my 15-year-old son on speaker phone.  He preceded to explain that my (lovely, sweet talking, innocent) son was in trouble for sending profane text messages to another student at the school.  He let me know what they said; however, I will spare any reader the detail, as I still am shocked to repeat his language.  Well, it turned out to be some teenage drama that got out of hand, and although he felt my child to be a good  child, he was to be suspended.  Lovely, I thought and began contemplating all the horrible ways that I could punish him for the embarrassment and my utter shock that this child that I took so much care in raising to be a nice and respectful young man would do this.  He is my sweetheart.  I always brag that my teenager is so easy.  He does everything he is told without argument and is just the sweetest guy to have around.  Well, needless to say, I was freaked.  I was a very obedient child and teenager and would have died at the thought of suspension.

    I had a parent teacher conference at my 9-year-old's class to get to a bit later.  My suspended son was home, so I left him to watch my 5 and 13 year old while I went to the conference with the baby and my other daughter.  I am holding the baby, who is trying to get away so he can rummage through the classroom for yummy edible trash on the floor and my phone rings.  It is my suspended son.  Well, he can't find my 5-year-old.  What?  I told him to keep looking and I would be right there.  I have to cut the conference short because all I can envision is needing to call the police and the preceding dramatic search for my child.  What was she wearing.  I cant remember.  Oh no!  She was just about to start kindergarten and now she is gone!  I apologize to the teacher for my chaos and feel guilty for not having my focus on my 9-year-old, rush home, and there is my 5-year-old, alive and well.  She thought it would be funny to hide under the bed!

    We're having dinner.  The baby finishes and precedes with his high pitched scream to advise me that my services are needed at his highchair IMMEDIATELY!  I tell him he is fine and make an attempt to actually eat my dinner.  He then decides to start banging his head into the back of his highchair making a loud crash with his skull on the plastic.  My husband and I freak.  Most parents probably wouldn't, but my 15-year-old was diagnosed with Asperger's syndrome when he was four, my 13-year-old has mild autism, my 9-year-old was diagnosed with adhd two years ago, and I just want to put a child through school without an IEP.  The baby's head banging, along with his screeching, and newest ability to stick his fingers into his throat to purposely gag himself has me worried!  I proceed to call the nurse in a panic to see what I should do.  Well, she, in her right mind, is not in the office at 7pm, so I leave a message.

    Later that night, my 15-year-old appears with his finger nails painted black.  BEAUTIFUL!  So, I spent the rest of the evening crying to my husband.  At that point, I felt I was in big trouble.  I still have another 18-years to go, and they are gonna kill me.  The activity all the time!  The craziness of my home.  So many personalities under one roof!  So many different developmental needs to meet.  Why so many issues (autism, adhd)?  What have I done wrong?  How am I going to continue.  I want to run away!  I just want to go pee by myself for once! I want to take a shower without leaving the shower door open so I can monitor my home for destruction in my 5-minute absence.  I want a 20-minute shower!  I don't want to deal with any more issues!   

     BUT.......I am also the mother to a group of the most colorful, funny, active, and loving children on earth.  My son told he that he loved me to the end of the numbers when he was 5.  I love that my 13-year-old is obsessively neat.  I never have to clean her room.  My 9-year-old cuddles with all of us.  My 5-year-old is as smart as can be.  She astonishes me with her questions.  The baby, oh, the baby, he sure has figured out how to make his presence known in such a large and busy family!  He is my heart!  SO, I knew I would wake up the next day and do it all again.  I will for the next 18, 20, 40 years!  They are my children.  They are my heart!

    Has anyone ever felt like this?

Friday, 20 March 2009

Thursday, 05 March 2009

  • Custody Battle with Brazil

    I was watching Larry King Live, and he was interviewing David Goldman.  He is an American father fighting to get his son returned from Brazil.  For those of you who might not know the story, I will recount it in the terms as I have understood them to be.

    David Goldman (the father) married a Brazilian national in the United States.  They lived in New Jersey and had a son together.  When the child was 4 years old, the mother took the child to Brazil on vacation to visit family.  The father (Goldman) was to join them in 2 weeks and then they were to all return back to the U.S. together.

    Shortly after leaving for the vacation, the father received a phone call from the mother stating she was staying in Brazil and wanted a divorce.  She asked that he go to Brazil and sign away custody to her, and in return she would allow him to visit his son.  He refused to do so and contacted an attorney in the U.S.  He was told that he would have his son back within 6 weeks under laws with the Hague Convention ( an international treaty that deals with jurisdiction with international kidnapping and ensures that children who are kidnapped and taken out of their country of origin will be returned to their country of origin.  To my understanding, it has to be enacted within a year of the child being taken).  Anyways, the father files suit with the Brazilian government to have his child returned.  It was held up in their court system for a year before it was heard.  The Brazilian court ruled that there was a custody violation on behalf of the mother, but because the child had been there a year, they found that he was adapted to the society there and was to stay with his mother who illegally kidnapped him.  The father was stuck and has been fighting a legal battle ever since.  He was not permitted to see his son or have contact with him.  The mother subsequently remarried a lawyer in Brazil and became pregnant.  Well, last August she died during child birth. 

    After the mother's death, the father assumed there would now be nothing standing in his way to having his son back.  NOT.....the child's stepfather rushed the Brazilian courts and got temporary guardianship over the child because his mother was dead and then petitioned to have the biological father's named removed from the birth certificate.  The father went to Brazil to retrieve his son and was unable to do so.  He was granted visitation; however, the stepfather left town with the child.  The case is still in the Brazilian courts.  The United States government is now stepping in under the "Hague Convention" requesting the child be returned to the United States.  The father has been granted custody in the U.S. court system, as was the mother charged with kidnapping.  The Brazilian courts have left the child with the stepfather thus far.  Goldman did finally get a total of 6 hours visitation in February with his son for the first time in 4 years.  The child is now 8!

    I kind of summarized the story.  It is much more detailed.  You can get more info. easily on line.

    Am I crazy, or is this insane.  There are laws in place to return children who are kidnapped and brought out of the country.  Shouldn't the courts in Brazil have immediately returned the child once they ruled that the child was illegally brought there?  I am hoping now that the media is so involved and it has reached Secretary of State Clinton that the right thing in this situation will prevail.  The family in Brazil appear to have cared for the child and done well by him (besides keeping him from his father).....BUT....I think they are all criminals.  I will play devil's advocate and say that the child is now adjusted and attached to his family in Brazil, and it might be psychologically detrimental to him to take him away from them, as his entire maternal family (grandparents, uncles, now sibling) live there, and then place him with his father, who is more or less a stranger at this point.  I am always an advocate of children and can see where this might be harmful.  A major wrong was done, but the child does not know the difference at this point and is now adjusted and attached to others.  The lines can get sticky when you look at it from this perspective rather than the gross injustice done to the father and child four years ago.  Just something to think about

    Does anyone else know about this story.  If so, what is your opinion?

Tuesday, 03 March 2009

  • My Child Support Nightmare!

    SO, the other day I was channel surfing and came across a Dr. Phil episode where men were complaining about how child support was negatively impacting their lives.  I couldn't help but to stop and think of my endless journey with the child support system.  My story:

    I got married way to early in life, at the age of 19, due to me getting pregnant and wanting to do what I thought to be the "right" thing at the time.  We divorced some years later, and I became a single parent with a 3-year-old and 10-month old.  I had the children.  He was ordered to pay $550 (or something like that) in child support.  I have never seen that amount.  Our children are now 15 (almost 16) and 13.  My ex-husband owes $28 thousand and some odd change in support arrears. 

    I am  not saying he NEVER paid, as I did receive an amount of $12.50 every two weeks from him for about a year.   There is an active case against him.  He was on the "most wanted" listed for biggest offenders for not paying child support.  He lost his license.  he had his bank account seized, and the child support enforcement agency brought 32 counts of contempt against him.  He was given a public defender and nothing happened.  Our children know nothing about the support issue.  They have continued a relationship with him.  I have never interfered with them seeing him and have paid more of the visitation cost than he has in order to facilitate their relationship with him.  I would never call him a "bad" father....only incredibly irresponsible in terms of supporting them.

    I have supported our children.  I put myself through school.  I've worked and made sure their needs were met.  I remarried and am now a mother to 5 children.  Two years ago, we moved to a different state.  I discussed this with my ex-husband.  I took our common daughter with us, and he kept our son under the promise that he was able to provide for all of his needs without public assistance.  I continued to send my son $100 a month for spending money, as I knew his father did not have a lot.  I paid to visit him every 3 months and brought our daughter with us to see her father.  I covered his school needs.  My ex-husband did nothing to provide for our daughter that lived with me.

    So, a year ago last December I was contacted by the child support agency in the area my ex-husband and son lived.  He supposedly began collecting welfare shortly after my son came to live with him, and they were seeking support from me.  I was a bit confused, as I thought that since I had our daughter, it would cancel out.  Well, it would usually, but because he was receiving welfare, it did not matter.  I understood this, as either way, my son needed to be financially care for.  I contacted them and came to a settlement amount with them; however, I was irritated because he stated he could care for him but couldn't and owed me $28,000 and some change for 11 years of negligence.  My son came to live with me one month later, as he needed to be provided for (and because I missed him terribly).  His father continued to collect welfare for 5 months after my son left. 

    I found this out after receiving another notice that I had past due support from January to May that needed to be paid and still had an ongoing monthly amount to pay.  Well, I was perplexed because my ex-husband was to go off of welfare when our son left his home.  We even agreed that I would not ask support for a length of time, so he could "get on his feet".....and for the fact that I have given up on receiving help from him.

    Anyways, I contacted the child support office.  I was told to fax them school enrollment information for my son to prove I had him in my home, and they would credit the account and stop the order.  Well, I thought this was all well and good until our bank account was seized last August for support I supposedly owed to his father and the county of San Diego.  They didn't get all of the money they wanted because we have only a little in the bank, but it did cause 6 transactions to bounce and $300 in bank fees.  I called them and said WAIT....I gave you proof that he lived with me, as you told me to.  Yah....well I guess that rep. gave bad advice because they said they did have the proof, and were aware of the circumstances, but it didn't matter without a court order and were set to recoup the welfare he collected. 

    TO CLARIFY:  They are aware that my son lived with me from January until the present.  They are aware that his father has illegally stayed on welfare.  They do not care.  I was told that either way, they wanted the county repaid and that is all they care about.  They know it is not my fraud.  They do not care and stated the only way to straighten it out is to hire an attorney.  I borrowed the money to go out to San Diego and handle the matter.  I waited with my infant for the legal help  for 5 hours and was told that I would need to pay a filing fee, get a court date, and return to court in about 3 months.  Well, hell, that would end up costing us more than the amount their asking to get it cleared up.  My current husband and I just decided to count our losses and pay it.

    So, we have been making monthly payments to pay child support arrears for my son that lived with us and still does.  We have little money, we make little enough to qualify for WIC and free lunches for the children at school....but we pay our support for my son who we support every day at home. 

    The "Good" news:  Our income tax return was garnished to pay the rest, so now they have the money my ex-husband illegally received back, and my ex-husband was kind enough to get off of welfare, get a job, and stop the support order.  EVEN Better:  I am received a weekly payment via wage garnishment from him in the amount of $5.77 to pay off the $28,000 and some odd change he still owes in his own past due support! By the way, I am staying at home now because we have an infant.  The income tax return they garnished was a tax refund from my current husbands wages.  Yah, he isn't the biological father but still smiles after paying my ex-husbands fraud off.

    AND...I will continue to support our children and facilitate their relationship with their father.  I will be cordial.  I will never speak an ill word about him, as they have a right to love him and see him as wonderful.  Of course, the anger I feel eats me up inside at times!

    Moral of the story:   Women get screwed TOO!



amysfantastic5

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    • Name: amysfantastic5
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    • Member Since: 2/14/2009

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About Me

  • I'm a very busy mother of 5 children ranging from 15 to 11 months old. I spend my free time doing housework, changing diapers, and chasing after a teenager. I was a working mom until the last one came, and my husband and I decided the daycare would cost more than what I could bring in, so I am doing the whole stay at home thing. I love having the time with my children but am also prone to becoming bored out of my mind with the day to day routine and lack of adult interaction!. I love children. I have my degree in child development and hope to eventually return to the work force, so I can continue my lifelong quest to better the lives of children by promoting the well-being and functioning of their parents. Yep....I am a social worker turned stay-at-home mom. I have been remarried to my husband for 3 years now. We have a wonderful blended family and many adventures. My husband is my hero. He came into our life and jumped right in with lots of zest and is my biggest advocate an

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